My 5K Run Experience....
Hey
Here it is.....For The Standard Examiner
Bang!! The sound of the starter pistol marks the beginning of the sometimes overlooked 5K running season. And we are off! Could it be here already?
Over 2000 people gathered on a cold, windy Saturday morning for the annual Golden West Credit Union 5K run in South Ogden. I started off the day looking out my bedroom window hoping for a new foot of snow and blizzard conditions. They would cancel it for sure, right? No such luck. How about locusts? Potato famine? Writers’ strike? Anything? ugh..... There’s no bailing out now. I needed energy. I ate my usual breakfast which consists of a cold 16 ounce Diet Rock Star sports drink and two Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts, toasted to perfection. Delicious! Off we go. My wife, my son Jake and me.
The 5K enthusiast comes in all shapes, temperaments and sizes. There are runners, sprinters, joggers, amateurs, professionals, strollers, skippers (yep, those), kids, dads, moms, hippies, rednecks, retirees, toddlers, freaks, teachers, Republicans, Democrats (must be from Sugarhouse), members, non-members, meat eaters, posers, schmoozers, bishops, vegetarians, hypocrites and even an occasional smoker, joker and a midnight toker.
Why do so many put themselves through this? Is it peer pressure? Fitness? Boredom? Checking out Ogden’s singles’ scene? You do get the sweet t-shirt. What about the free bottled water and orange slices? Everyone has their reason. I have mine.
The 5K run for me is a measuring stick against time. Every year I get older and ‘Father Time’ is chasing me like the past is chasing Eliot Spitzer. Time is running out--just ask Hillary Clinton. The 5K is my Super-Delegate. The clock is ticking and it never stops brother, like it or not. I am fighting ‘the inevitable’ with all I got. At any moment it could all fall apart faster than you can say Milli Vanilli.
I know that I won’t win any trophies, medals, proclamations or certificates. It’s a dead giveaway that you are not ‘in it to win it’ when the Wal-Mart sticker is still on your canvas loafers. How am I going to be able to out-run someone that is in even reasonable shape? I am not going to be recognized as ‘that dude that can flat-out fly.’ When I run it sounds like someone is loading a corduroy couch onto the back of an El Camino. Who would see me as a threat? The threat is the clock. The competition is against myself. My goal is to improve my finish time each year. You get a little older and the time gets a little lower. That’s the idea.
I ran in this same 5K last year. 3.2 torturous miles. My time? It’s personal.
The start of the run was potentially disastrous. As soon as the starter pistol sounded, I dropped my Walk Man radio on the pavement. Well, that strategy was blown. The music would have provided a soundtrack inspiring me to a new personal best. I would surely shatter last year’s time. Well, what can you do?
I attempted to separate myself from the pack of hundreds of runners because I am a little claustrophobic. I was passed by a pack of Cub Scouts and a guy who ran backwards the entire way. Not good.
The route for this year’s event was different than last. More hills. Who cares? I can do this. “Gird up your loins….”
As I neared the finish line I could see the clock (thanks to Lasik). Unbelievable! It was all within reach. I crossed the finish line and indeed, I did do it. A new record for me. My age may be going up but my time is going down. Mission accomplished. See you next year ‘Father Time.’
Now, will somebody get me my free bottled water and orange slices? It’s starting to snow.
Keith Stubbs
http://www.keithstubbs.com
DOWN BUT NOT OUT
Here’s little Drew (age 1) still being chipper after breaking his leg going down a slide yesterday.
Thanks for listening!
keith
March Madness!?
Hey....
Here it is....
For The Standard Examiner
It’s that time of the year. They call it “March Madness.” The NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship. Hands down the best tournament of any kind in the world.
I am sure some would argue that the NFL does a good job with their playoffs. True. There is nothing like the Super Bowl. Hockey? I’ll politely pass. The World Series can be exciting but the regular season with 162 games is so long and drawn out that it interferes with my college and pro football viewing. The BCS is another discussion altogether. The bowl games can be a bore unless your team is involved.
The NBA Playoffs start with just 16 teams, then they drag out the postseason for two-and-a-half months. If David Stern and his boys were running college basketball it would take nine months to find a winner. The NCAA basketball tournament, on the other hand, gets right to it. The committee gets in a room, picks 65 teams, and three weeks later it is over. Single elimination. We have a winner. A National Champion is crowned.
My problem with the NCAA Basketball tournament is that it is often referred to as “March Madness.” Announcer Brent Musburger gets all the credit, or blame, for coining the term “March Madness.” A great system but, “Madness?” That seems to be a smidge overstated. Actually, it is kind of predictable and simple just the way it should be. The best teams in the country battle it out and a champ is crowned. Works for me.
But if it is “Madness” you want, then it is “Madness” you will get…..
Madness would be…having the CBS Selection Show be hosted by The Olsen Twins and Jared from Subway.
Madness would be…a special halftime free-throw shooting contest between Barack and Hillary--not Clinton, Hillary Duff.
Madness would be…mandatory drug testing administered by Amy Winehouse, Scott Wieland, and Paula Abdul.
Madness would be.....having Tennessee’s women’s coach Pat Summitt switch places with Bruce Pearl and coach the Volunteer Men’s team. (I have a feeling there would be little or no difference).
Madness would be…having Senator John McCain’s hot wife be the sideline reporter at the Final Four.
Madness would be....locating the surviving members of the 1978 Charleston, South Carolina LDS 2nd Ward boys team and lace ‘em up. Chuck Taylors and all. Average height 5’9”. Sure we came in third that year but we had heart!
Madness would be...having the worst team in the NBA, which seems to be the Shaq-less Miami Heat, be the 65th selection and have them play Coppin State in the play-in game. (I’ll take the ‘under’).
Madness would be…having this year’s Indiana Hoosiers team coached by Gene Hackman and a sloppy drunk Dennis Hopper.
Madness would be...having no referees. Just hire ex-Foot Locker employees. They already have the awesome striped shirts.
Madness would be…having Bobby Knight hired as an analyst for ESPN. What? He is? Ugh…please retire!!
Madness would be...having the games played at the Burch Creek Stake Center while the Cub Scouts are preparing for their Pinewood Derby battle.
Madness would be… going shirts and skins—not the players, the fans.
Madness would be...having the Harlem Globetrotters as a #1 seed with those red, white, and blue basketballs. I always liked those.
Madness would be...having a team made up of ‘Biggest Loser’ rejects and coached by Rick Majerus with the pre-game meal at Chuck-A-Rama. Have you tried their scones with honey butter? Yes!
Madness would be...having the winning team get a weekend out ‘on the town’ with your favorite former governor of choice: Spitzer or McGreevey.
Now, That is Madness!
My pick for National Champion? UCLA.
Keith Stubbs
Comedian, Radio Guy, Victim of Circumstance, Horse Whisperer........
http://www.keithstubbs.com
Traits that Guys look for in Gals....
We talked about this today....we learn together.
HERE ARE TRAITS THAT MEN LOOK FOR IN
THEIR SPECIAL LADIES.....IN MY OPINION......
Ladies, you have to have A LOT more than just physical attraction to keep a guy interested in you over time. Here are some traits that men look for in their girlfriends . . .
INDEPENDENCE. This means no mooching money . . . not constantly craving attention . . . and just overall not being a pampered, spoiled brat. You also have to have a life OUTSIDE of the relationship. Guys prefer women who can stand on their own. Bring something to the party....
INTELLIGENCE. That whole airhead routine gets old . . . REALLY fast. Don’t hide how smart you are. If your intelligence scares him away, then he probably wasn’t worth it anyway, right?
YOU RESPECT HIM. Don’t constantly criticize the mistakes he makes or try to win EVERY SINGLE argument. You should avoid embarrassing him in public and always wait to talk about whatever issues you may have with him in private. Give your dude a little credit for crying out loud!
YOU GET ALONG WITH HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY. Honestly, how far do you think the relationship will go if his family and friends completely DESPISE you? This is really important to a lot of guys, so you really need to try to get along with them. However, they don’t have to be best friends with your friends.
AS FAR AS APPEARANCE......Put in an effort. We are not perfect and we don’t expect perfection--But, we do expect an effort.......
Also, A GOOD SOUL!!
Thank you, America!
I am sure there are more...but, this is a nice start!
Keith
How to Get the Raise you Want
We talked about this this morning....Everyone thinks they are being paid less than they deserve. Here are some thoughts and ideas....
***HOW TO GET THE RAISE YOU WANT***
You’ve been paying your dues, working tirelessly for The Man, and now you feel like you deserve a bigger salary. Here are some tips for getting the raise that you want . . .
#1.) HAVE AN AMOUNT IN MIND. It’s pretty silly to walk in to discuss a raise . . . yet have absolutely no idea HOW MUCH extra you want. Be prepared with a fixed number of what you really think you’re worth.
If they can’t give you the money--ask for extra vacation or perhaps a bonus plan....
#2.) HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Let’s face the facts: You’re not going to get a 100% raise. That’s just a pipe dream. So don’t ask for some crazily high amount.
#3.) USE “I” MESSAGES. If you’re disappointed with their offer, tell them “I’m disappointed” instead of “YOU need to give me more”. It sounds less accusatory. Also, give specific examples of all the good stuff you’ve done at work to back up your case.
#4.) DON’T THREATEN TO LEAVE. Unless you’re willing to be jobless . . . it’s not really a great idea to threaten them that you’ll leave if they don’t give you more money.
#5.) NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER EMPLOYEES. Who cares if Bob from accounting just got a huge raise? Using this as an example of why you should get more money will turn your boss off, and you could end up with NOTHING.
#6.) ASK FOR A FOLLOW-UP. If The Man just can’t give you more money, ask if you can touch base on the subject again in five or six months.
Good luck!
Keith
Here are 5 Ways to Live longer
By popular demand.......
FIVE WAYS TO LIVE LONGER
Let’s face it: We’re turning into groups of mindless, lazy blobs who could care less that we’re slowly KILLING ourselves. Here are five things you can do that’ll help you to live longer . . .
#1.) GRILL A STEAK. I prefer the Rib Eye. Believe it or not, but beef is actually good for you, because it helps to boost your immune system. Sounds good to me.
#2.) TAKE ASPIRIN. Aspirin is a blood thinner . . . which basically means that it helps to keep clots from forming in your blood. By doing this, it lowers your risk of having a heart attack or a stroke.
Is this for real?
#3.) DRINK MORE TEA. Tea ALSO is a blood thinner . . . and drinking about two cups a day is all you need. What about Herbal tea? Is it the same?
#4.) GET A DOG. You probably didn’t know this, but having a dog makes your heart better able to deal with stress that can lead to heart disease.
However, I don’t think that will work for me. I have allergys....
#5.) MAKE FRIENDS AT WORK. You may not like EVERY person you work with, but try to be friends with a couple of them. People who have work friends generally have lower heart rates, even when they’re stressed.
Kill them with kindness!!
Good day!
Keith
http://www.keithstubbs.com
How to Stay Awake at Work...ugh...
Here’s something we talked about on Tuesday March 4th---
HOW TO STAY AWAKE AT WORK
Going through the motions at your mundane, boring job can literally PUT YOU TO SLEEP . . . no matter what you do to try to stop it. Here are some things you can do to try to stay awake at work . . .
#1.) BRING COFFEE, SNACKS AND GUM. These things will give you energy . . . and the gum should give you something to do . . . so you don’t get bored and fall asleep. Careful with the coffee, though, because the caffeine could make you crash later on. That of course coming from a guy who drinks a couple of Diet Rock Stars a day. As far as gum how about Big Red?
I am hearing that sunflower seeds still in the husk are a good idea too.
#2.) DON’T REST YOUR EYES OR LAY YOUR HEAD DOWN. This is pretty obvious, but when you do this . . . it’ll be more likely that you’ll fall asleep at your desk. Don’t rest your head in your hand, either.
#3.) MOVE AROUND. Get up from your desk and walk around the office. You have to keep that energy up, because staring at your computer screen all day is probably one of the most boring things that you can possibly do.
#4.) TAKE FREQUENT BREAKS. If, for some reason, The Man doesn’t offer you unlimited breaks . . . take a bathroom break. While you’re there, splash some cold water on your face to wake yourself up.
#5.) GET HELP FROM CO-WORKERS. You know how you always see the wage-slaves on “The Office” play games to alleviate their boredom? If some of your co-workers are cool enough, maybe you can gather them together to do the same.
I hope these help someone....
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