It’s All about The Madness!!!

Thursday, March 20th, 2008 @ 7:09AM

March Madness!?

Hey....

Here it is....

For The Standard Examiner


It’s that time of the year. They call it “March Madness.” The NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship.  Hands down the best tournament of any kind in the world.

I am sure some would argue that the NFL does a good job with their playoffs. True. There is nothing like the Super Bowl.  Hockey?  I’ll politely pass.  The World Series can be exciting but the regular season with 162 games is so long and drawn out that it interferes with my college and pro football viewing. The BCS is another discussion altogether. The bowl games can be a bore unless your team is involved. 

The NBA Playoffs start with just 16 teams, then they drag out the postseason for two-and-a-half months.  If David Stern and his boys were running college basketball it would take nine months to find a winner.  The NCAA basketball tournament, on the other hand, gets right to it.  The committee gets in a room, picks 65 teams, and three weeks later it is over. Single elimination.  We have a winner. A National Champion is crowned.

My problem with the NCAA Basketball tournament is that it is often referred to as “March Madness.” Announcer Brent Musburger gets all the credit, or blame, for coining the term “March Madness.” A great system but, “Madness?” That seems to be a smidge overstated.  Actually, it is kind of predictable and simple just the way it should be.  The best teams in the country battle it out and a champ is crowned.  Works for me.

But if it is “Madness” you want, then it is “Madness” you will get…..

Madness would be…having the CBS Selection Show be hosted by The Olsen Twins and Jared from Subway.
Madness would be…a special halftime free-throw shooting contest between Barack and Hillary--not Clinton, Hillary Duff.
Madness would be…mandatory drug testing administered by Amy Winehouse, Scott Wieland, and Paula Abdul.
Madness would be.....having Tennessee’s women’s coach Pat Summitt switch places with Bruce Pearl and coach the Volunteer Men’s team.  (I have a feeling there would be little or no difference).
Madness would be…having Senator John McCain’s hot wife be the sideline reporter at the Final Four.
Madness would be....locating the surviving members of the 1978 Charleston, South Carolina LDS 2nd Ward boys team and lace ‘em up.  Chuck Taylors and all.  Average height 5’9”.  Sure we came in third that year but we had heart!
Madness would be...having the worst team in the NBA, which seems to be the Shaq-less Miami Heat, be the 65th selection and have them play Coppin State in the play-in game.  (I’ll take the ‘under’).
Madness would be…having this year’s Indiana Hoosiers team coached by Gene Hackman and a sloppy drunk Dennis Hopper.
Madness would be...having no referees. Just hire ex-Foot Locker employees.  They already have the awesome striped shirts.
Madness would be…having Bobby Knight hired as an analyst for ESPN.  What?  He is?  Ugh…please retire!!
Madness would be...having the games played at the Burch Creek Stake Center while the Cub Scouts are preparing for their Pinewood Derby battle.
Madness would be… going shirts and skins—not the players, the fans.
Madness would be...having the Harlem Globetrotters as a #1 seed with those red, white, and blue basketballs.  I always liked those.
Madness would be...having a team made up of ‘Biggest Loser’ rejects and coached by Rick Majerus with the pre-game meal at Chuck-A-Rama.  Have you tried their scones with honey butter?  Yes!
Madness would be...having the winning team get a weekend out ‘on the town’ with your favorite former governor of choice: Spitzer or McGreevey.

Now, That is Madness!
My pick for National Champion?  UCLA.


Keith Stubbs
Comedian, Radio Guy, Victim of Circumstance, Horse Whisperer........
http://www.keithstubbs.com