My Official Fake NBA Predictions

Friday, April 18th, 2008 @ 8:53AM

It's NBA Playoff time!!

Hey-
Here it is…..
For The Standard Examiner and posterity…
http://www.standard.net

It’s that time. The NBA Playoffs. Two-and-a-half months of exciting basketball as long as your team is still in it. There truly is nothing like the energy felt while your team is still in the hunt.
As a transplant to Utah, I am impressed at the level of enthusiasm and hope that each game represents. It’s the Jazz and the Rockets once again.
The biggest sporting event I ever attended was in southern California in 1987, twenty-one years ago. It was game six of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and Celtics at the Fabulous Forum in Inglewood. It was make or break for my Celtics who were down 3-2. I may have been a resident of California but I was a huge Boston Celtics fan. And why wouldn’t I be? Bird? Parrish? Mchale? Ainge? Dennis Johnson? Greg Kite? Fred Roberts? Legends…(some sarcasm)
The Lakers had Kareem, Magic, Worthy, Rambis, Michael Cooper, Byron Scott. Abdul Jabbar had shaved his head for the first time right before game time. Chick Hearn on the mic.
The Lakers didn’t have a mascot like the Jazz Bear. Most teams back then didn’t.  Do you remember Dancing Barry? Jack Nicholson was there with his trademark sun glasses, Dyan Cannon looking a lot like she does now and me about 60 pounds heavier with my Art Garfunkle afro.  I bought myself a ticket from a ‘street broker’ that day for $500. I sat way up high. I remember it being hot and smelly up there but it didn’t matter. It was the Finals!
The game ended with the Lakers winning it all. 106-93. Who cares? Actually, I do…a little. Even then I knew that I was there experiencing sports history.  An event I will never forget.
With the NBA Playoffs upon us the chance to feel that way again is enticing.
Here’s to history in the making!
And now, it is time for My Official NBA Fake Predictions!
Even though he is a football player ex-Tennessee Titan Pac Man Jones will be picked up by the Denver Nuggets to complete the list of thugs possible on one team. Word is still out if Stephan Marbury is available.
Rob Lowe will offer his now open nanny position to Gloria Allred in exchange for courtside Lakers playoff tickets.
Paul Abdul is hired to sing the National Anthem at the NBA Finals. Upon refusing payment, Paula accepts Aqua Net, Paxil and Hubba Bubba Lip Gloss as compensation.
After 41 unspectacular years in Seattle, the Sonics will relocate to Evanston, Wyoming and play their games in a banquet space at the Best Western.
Dallas Maverick forward Dirk Nowitzki will enter a Bucky Covington look-a-like contest only to be defeated by Bucky’s twin brother Rocky (I am not making this one up).
After carbon date testing is ordered by the AARP, it is discovered that Houston Rocket center Dikembe Mutombo is actually 84-years-old and commonly refers to Senator John McCain as ‘that young fella.’
Even though still stinging form the loss to Barrack Obama, Senator Hillary Clinton is hired as fashion consultant for the NBA cheerleaders and changes the standard uniform to the Yellow pant suit and scarf.
In the off season San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Gianobli takes acting classes from Charlie Sheen and is cast in the sequel of “The Piano” playing the character which made actor Adrien Brody an Oscar winner.
After making disparaging remarks regarding Utah and Mormons ESPN’s Ric Bucher is hired a greeter at Energy Solutions Arena and must wear a ‘Vote for David Archuleta’ t-shirt.
My real prediction for Round one Jazz vs. Rockets.  Jazz win 4-1.

Keith Stubbs
Radio Guy, Comedian, Victim of Circumstance, Cowboy Poet….....
http://www.keithstubbs.com
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