The “MTV Movie & TV Awards” aired last night, and CHRIS PRATT stole the show when he accepted the annual Generation Award . . . by laying out NINE RULES for the next generation. Here they are, word-for-word:
1. “Breathe. If you don’t, you’ll suffocate.”
2. “You have a soul, be careful with it.”
3. “Don’t be a turd. If you’re strong, be a protector, and if you’re smart, be a humble influencer.
“Strength and intelligence can be weapons, and do not wield them against the weak . . . that makes you a bully.”
4. “When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger. They won’t even know they’re eatin’ the medicine.”
5. “Doesn’t matter what it is. Earn it.”
“A good deed. Reach out to someone in pain. Be of service. It feels good and it’s good for your soul.”
6. “God is real, God loves you, God wants the best for you. Believe that. I do.”
7. “If you have to poop at a party but you’re embarrassed because you’re gonna stink up the bathroom, just do what I do and lock the door, sit down, get all the pee out first, OK?
“And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom! You minimize the amount of time that the poop is touching the air, because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you’re peeing on top, then it’s stirring up.
“The poop particles create a cloud, it goes out, then everyone in the party will know that you pooped . . . Just trust me, it’s science.”
8. “Learn to pray. It’s easy and it’s so good for your soul.”
9. “Nobody is perfect. People are gonna tell you you’re perfect just the way you are, you’re not! You are imperfect, you always will be, but there is a powerful force that designed you that way.
“And if you’re willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift.
“And like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget it. Don’t take it for granted. God bless you, please get home safely.”